Are your reviews fucked?

Don't be shy. Select all that apply, and it's best you don't lie:

Your Google rating is below 4.0 and customers are choosing your competitors instead
You have 3 reviews total and one of them is your mom
The last review you got was in 2019
Someone left you 1 star because "parking was hard" and you never responded
Your competitors have 200+ reviews and you have 7
You don't even know you can respond to Google reviews
Every negative review goes unanswered while you complain about them to your staff
You've been asking customers for reviews for years but nobody actually does it
A former employee left you 1 star and said things that definitely violate some kind of law
Your business doesn't even show up on Google Maps because you never claimed your listing
You're still using a Yahoo email address in your Google Business Profile
Your Google listing says you're "Permanently Closed" but you're definitely open
The only reviews you have are fake ones you paid for (and they're obviously fake)
Someone reviewed the wrong business on your profile and you don't know how to fix it
Your Yelp reviews are filtered and hidden because you don't have enough activity
You told an angry customer to "take it to Google" and they absolutely did
Your response to a 1-star review was even worse than the review itself
You have multiple Google Business listings for the same location and don't know which one is real
The phone number on your Google listing goes to a disconnected line
Your business hours are wrong and customers show up when you're closed
Someone left you 1 star for something completely out of your control and it's been there for 3 years
You're too afraid to ask for reviews because you might get more bad ones
Your star rating has been trending down for 6 months and you have no idea why
You respond to reviews with copy-paste generic responses that make it worse
A competitor is leaving you fake bad reviews and you don't know what to do
Your customers are leaving great reviews... on Facebook, where nobody looks
You never set up review monitoring so you find out about bad reviews weeks later
The photos on your Google listing are from customers and they're terrible
You're stuck at 3.8 stars and can't figure out how to break 4.0
Your review requests go straight to spam because you're doing it wrong
Someone called you out by name in a review and now it's the first thing people see
You had a bad day, responded emotionally to a review, and now it's a whole thing

If you made it this far, you're probably fucked.

Jokes aside, we're here to help.